Rules and Blue Suede Shoes
by Loved-Invention
Summary: I was a pessimist, with a few simple rules in life. One of them was to never purchase a pair of suede shoes, the other was not to meet, or fall for Chad Dylan Cooper. Rules are meant to be broken though, aren't they? Sonny/Chad


**Disclaimer:** I do not own any recognizable characters, or Sonny With a Chance. Kerry is my only OC.

**A/N**: Firstly, this fic is dedicated to Favesie as an extremely belated b-day 'present' (you know who you are, girl!). Next, this is one of those macdaddy one shots that I worked my butt off on. It's definitely AU, and could be tied in with my "Crash Course" series of one shots (you don't have to read the others), where Sonny/Chad meet in different ways.

-Also- a shout out to my amazing beta, _Suburbs_. She's put up with me through the thick and thin, manages the _JONAS_ category, yet still finds time to help me with these things.

Anyway, I'll quit rambling now. ENJOY!

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**Rules and Blue Suede Shoes**

* * *

Chad Dylan Cooper has two blue eyes. They're kind of like a sea/ocean blue with a touch of the sky-color at noon. They also have little green flecks in them. Besides that, at midnight, under the moon, one eye is always a little darker than the other. Or lighter. It truly depends if you're an optimist or a pessimist.

Call me a pessimist.

I had a few simple rules in life.

1: Never purchase a pair of blue suede shoes (because they're ugly as hell)

2: Never admit that you used to want to be Tawni from So Random!

3: Never run into Chad Dylan Cooper

4: Never get a crush on Chad Dylan Cooper

5: Do not fall in love with Chad Dylan Cooper

6: The above rules will be very hard because you work on So Random!, so when tempted to break them stand firm and eat lots of chocolate. In fact, eat chocolate every day!

I am proud to say that for one whole year I obeyed rule number five religiously. For that matter, I never spilt the beans to Tawni, and I pretty much stayed away Chad. That was for one whole year, and everything was going pretty damn wonderfully.

I, Sonny Monroe, little hippie-chick from Wisconsin, was an actress. I was ungullible and I was un suede-shoe worthy. Elvis Presley might have his name in the Dictionary, but I sure as hell would never purchase any type of shoe that he sang about. Just like CDC.

For that year, we were in California filming. Finally, we got to take a vacation. I, of course, met up with one of my best friends, Kerry, and we took off to New York.

New York City. The center of the proverbial tourist traps and the mecca for shoe lovers the world over.

Kerry, the shoe addict of our two-person assemblage, had to drag me in to each and every one of them. Honestly, I was fascinated by her fascination with shoes. She bought red ones, she bought white ones – she even bought purple and yellow polka-dot ones. They all had heels, and they were all cute.

Then, Kerry being Kerry, had to drag me into a suede-shoe store. My worst enemy. Suede shoes of all sorts, Elvis Presley posters everywhere.

Yes, Elvis did look good enough to go up and lick. The cardboard cutouts of him looked so real, I could barely contain myself. I knew, for damn sure, that it must've been illegal to be _that _good looking. But yes, I was completely and utterly obsessed with the posters and life-sized standings of our departed 'King of Rock'.

It was cruel.

And would you like to know something even crueler? I was dying for a pair of heels myself.

Sure, I hadn't' quite turned into Tawni, but I wanted heels.

Not suede heels, like Kerry was buying…but heels.

Normal heels.

I was determined to stick to that rule; all blue suede shoes looked like turnips in a rotting casket. But then I saw them. My eyes landed on a pair of blue suede heels,and my mouth watered a little bit. My mouth rarely waters unless it's Meatball Monday.

I needed those heels. Even if they were blue…and suede. They were actually pretty, and Elvis giving me the eye sealed the deal.

Kerry just stood beside me at the counter, open-mouthed, as I handed them over to the clerk.

Yep, I had broken rule numero uno.

Ooo000ooO

"I can't believe you're actually wearing them, Sonny." Kerry said, her voice sounding a little panicked as she tried to keep up with me. We were trying our best to maneuver our way through the crowded streets of NYC. Trump was kind enough to give us an open room at his hotel, and I had wanted to get there. But I wanted to arrive in style.

And in my blue suede heels, I was arriving.

"They're not horrible."

"They're one above your Tawni rule, which you've practically broken; and they're two above the list of Chad. Hell, with the way you're going I might not get the chance to marry him because you'll already be heading down the aisle to become Mrs. CDC!" When we were approximately twenty feet in front of the hotel's entrance, Kerry halted, her mouth falling slack.

I suspected it was The Donald himself, so I didn't bother looking up. I just stared at my shoes, a faint little smile on my face.

"Aw, they're so sweet." I clicked my heels together, pretending that Elvis was going to come up behind me and kiss me at any second. Instead, Kerry clasped my wrist in a death-grip and pointed at the entrance.

"Ch- It's- He- Yo- Chad!"

"Speak the native language, Ker." I kept my eyes on my shoes, still praying for Elvis to pop back up…

"Ch-" Kerry decided to take her pink-heeled foot and smash it against my knee. I yelped, and then I looked up to where she was pointing.

Rule number three had just popped up in place of Elvis and smacked me on the butt. Sure enough, Chad Dylan Cooper was standing on the hotel entrance's steps, signing autographs.

Technically, I assumed (trying to save my ass), that the rule wasn't broken unless eye contact was made and we actually acknowledged each other's presence.

I was still safe.

His short, perfect blond hair was blowing in the wind – making him look like some sort of short-haired Fabio.

But hell. I DID NOT like him. Not in the least. Not one damn bit.

I clicked my blue suede heels together, closed my eyes, and wished for him to disappear into brilliant New York's dusty atmosphere.

I opened my eyes. Then I swallowed.

It was very hard to swallow.

Almost like a little frog had hopped its way out of a swamp and had crawled down into my throat.

Damn me and my swallowing abilities.

I knew that Chad Dylan Cooper possessed two blue eyes. Yes, they were sky/ocean blue with green flecks in them. And now I had seen them in person. And they were so…very pretty. I smiled faintly. I wasn't sure what Chad was doing, but _I_ couldn't seem to help but smile.

I also mentally scheduled rule number three's memorial service for the following Thursday.

Acknowledgment of each other's company had definitely been confirmed.

Our eye-staring lasted about thirty seconds. Then Chad turned on his heel and headed in the opposite direction. I, on the other hand, immediately fainted.

Ooo000ooO

When you wake up from your first dead-faint, you expect to hear things like: "Welcome back, Sonny!"

Or:

"It's good to see you, again."

Or:

"Thank God! I was scared you would miss the whole New Years bash!"

Instead, I heard, "Oh dear lord, you and Chad Dylan Cooper had eye-sex!"

I groaned and carefully pushed myself up into a sitting position. We had somehow made it into the hotel room, and we were safe. No Chad. No fainting. Just two blue suede heeled-shoes on my feet.

I licked my lips, and looked up at my friend.

She apparently wanted all of the juicy details.

"It was nothing."

"It was definitely something, Sonny." She was waving her pointer finger at me, and I raised one of my eyebrows so not to smirk at her.

"It wasn't!"

"You remember when Tawni said how your voice gets all high and squeaky when you lie?"

"Yes." (I spoke in a very low tone, by the way.)

"Your voice was just really squeaky."

"No it wasn't." I knew she was right, but I totally wasn't going to admit it.

"You had eye-sex with Chad Dylan Cooper!" Kerry clapped her hands together, her red curls bobbing up and down as she bounced excitedly (_around_. – you have to rhyme, you know).

"What was it like?" She was grinning widely now, and I was repressing the inevitable vomit that came with that question. In slow motion, I lifted my right hand up and pointed to the purity ring on my left hand. Kerry just grinned even wider.

"My eyes didn't explore any parts of his body except his eyes." I finally let out. Kerry guffawed, leaving me dumbfounded. I thought that people just did that in stories.

"First off, the ring does not mean you can't have eye sex with Chad Dylan Cooper. Second, you're in love with him!"

"I am not!" I defended myself, thankful that my head had finally stopped pounding.

"You are too, Sonny." Kerry chirped, pursing her lips together. I rolled my eyes.

"I am not in love with Chad. I would never be that mad. I will never love him, especially here. Even a thousand miles up in the air. I won't fly with him, near or far. I will never get into his car. I think that this world is mad, but Adam Lambert makes me glad. I-"

"Sonny," Kerry stepped forward and held one of her fingers up to my lips. "I swear, you need to quit doing that rhyming thing!"

"Sorry." My smile turned upside down. "What did I say?"

"You said that Adam Lambert makes you glad." Kerry's eyebrows were knit together in concern. I bit my lip and chewed on it a little bit on it.

"I'm sorry?" I offered again. Then I watched as Kerry turned on the news. It was on the local station, and at the latest announcement, I felt like collapsing. Chad would surely be at the New Year's bash.

Ooo000ooO

"I think he's cute."

"I do not like Chad."

"You know, Sonny, it's okay if you have a crush on him."

"I despise Chad."

"Sonny, it was just eye-sex."

"I had no sort of bodily lusting with Chad."

"You do know how disgusting that just sounded, don't you?" Kerry snorted, and I spun on my heels (blue and suede) to glare at her.

"I honestly don't know what you're talking about!" In truth, I did. That didn't keep me from sticking my finger in her face though.

We were at the bash, if you will. It was eleven at night with no sign of Blue Eyes. And yes, I was watching like a hawk for him (so I could grab a hold of my friend and sprint happily in the opposite direction).

"I'm so glad we're not at that Square place." Kerry observed, and I was grateful that she had changed the subject.

"You mean Time-"

"I'm so glad that we're at the place where the love of your life will be."

I clenched my fists and my jaw tightened.

"The only love of my life is Elvis Presley." I calmly stated. "And since he is departed, I'll just have to settle for a good look-a-like. And Chad Dylan Cooper looks nothing like the King."

I smiled. I was actually quite proud of myself. What a great little defense indeed!

"That's really a pity, Sony." Kerry's lower lip protruded and I smirked at the site of her fake frown. "Because he looks oh so hot."

It was all I could do not to turn around and look at what my friend was gawking at.

My shoes had the control though, and so I spun. (As I liked to say: Elvis could lead me wherever the hell Elvis wanted to lead me).

Then my mouth watered.

He was wearing tight jeans, a black button-up top, and a red tie. Not to mention the fact that he was smiling.

I was pretty sure that Kerry was drooling, but I didn't care. I was on the verge of letting a little spit escape my mouth too. He was just…so very damn pretty. And yes, I'm a comedian. Yes, I joke a lot (especially when I'm nervous). But you could never, ever joke about that man's hotness at that moment in time.

And then, I came to the bitter conclusion that the fourth rule could go ahead and visit the third rule in Heaven. Because, I think I was already in Heaven when Chad caught my eyes again.

Ooo000ooO

"You had eye-sex again!" Fifty seconds later, Kerry punched my arm. Chad had also walked away – being beckoned to the stage or something. The little bash deal was indoors, and it was being filmed. There were lots of stars…but it wasn't completely crowded either. In actuality, it was a comfortable atmosphere.

The only little problem was that my heart was completely twisted and wrenched in knots. Painful little suckers, indeed.

"I really don't know what you mean." A simple shrug can throw off tons of questions, I liked to say.

"Was it fun?" Kerry asked

Ignoring her, I pointed to the purity ring again, although I was pretty sure it really only covered the touching and not looking.

"You know, I think that he licked his lips this time when your eyes met."

Instead of answering, I clicked my heels together and silently prayed for an Elvis impersonator to sweep me off my feet.

"Did you notice the way his jeans hugged his butt just right? Oh! And the way that his eyes lingered on your legs. I swear, those shoes are guy-magnets, Sonny."

Maybe if I ignored her, she would stop. I began to think up another sketch involving a gassy dog, Tawni as an old lady, and blue suede shoes.

"I'm going to have to buy you a good pair of glasses, Sonny."

"Why?" My eyebrows came together in confusion, and then I glared at her. Before she had a chance to make another…innuendo or claim of inappropriateness, my stomach began to rumble in hunger. Yes, it was nearly midnight – but I was dead starving. Kerry just chuckled gleefully to herself, as passersby glared at me because of the noise.

(And can you actually believe that some wonder why I'm on a comedy show?)

Before I could take one step towards the buffet, Chad stepped up to the microphone and tapped it with a goofy smile.

My heart flip-flopped, and I suddenly began longing to regain possession of my broken rules (I wanted them to be un-broken).

"Hello guys," My heart jerked again as Chad's somewhat deep voice seeped into the suddenly silent room. "It's nearly midnight." There was a cheer. A loud cheer that caused Chad to pause mid-speech. While he stopped stalking, he let his eyes roam the room, and…found mine.

It was like that scene out of _Pride and Prejudice_. You know, where the two unrequited lovers become the only two people in the room.

But Chad took up to speaking again, and Kerry just had to lean over and whisper, "Isn't eye-copulating fun?" in my ear.

_Pride and Prejudice_ no more.

Ooo000ooO

When it was approximately three til, my stomach felt like it was about to turn inside out and eat me. Kerry was luckily flirting with some Kellan Lutz vampire dude, so I easily was able to escape her. And escape, I did.

It was more or less a run-like-hell for your dignity type thing. She and her little stupid ideas of me and Chad having…eye correspondence. Ridiculous.

Besides that, the buffet looked yummy. So yummy, in fact, that I was ready to eat all of it. And luckily for me, it was in another room. An empty room. A nice big empty room with one big buffet.

Sonny Monroe and a big buffet.

A big buffet and Sonny Monroe.

When I was younger, I used to dream about owning a buffet such as this. In my dreams, it was filled with simmering steaks, potatoes, and a whole area of sweets.

I grinned, licking my lips determinedly as I spotted the chocolate overload cake. Number six was a rule that I would never ever break, you see.

But when my fingers first touched the serving silver spoon, something grazed my arm. And you see, my feet, ever since I was little, always reacted to things before my brain comprehended them. So when that something grazed my arm, my feet wearing my blue suede shoes kind of did a backwards slide, which then forced me to tumble backwards.

Something caught me before my ass could officially meet with the expensive tiled floor, though.

"Gotcha, pretty girl." At the sound of that voice…

Ah, at the sound of that voice, mountains could move. Sonny could faint. Kerry could drool.

It just sounded so rich and buttery and delicious. Almost like chocolate. And even though I had heard it earlier, it had more of an impact this time.

It was bliss.

The voice was bliss.

Just like his eyes were.

For a split second, I wondered if there was any such thing as ear-sex too. But then again, maybe that's just for fans of the Jonas Brothers.

About fifty seconds into my thoughts on ear-sex, I finally realized that Chad Dylan Cooper was still holding me mid-air.

Flustered and blushing like hell, I quickly slipped a little bit more in my blue suedes and then I re-gained composure. Then during a moment of extreme confidence, I turned around to face Chad.

His eyes met mine and I nearly fainted (again).

I was alone with Chad.

Sonny Abigail Monroe was actually alone with Chad Dylan Cooper.

GULP.

"H-hi." I waved a pathetic wave. Chad grinned. I nearly fainted (again, again).

"So we finally meet." His smile grew. My mouth watered. _Chad, marry me! I love you! Just marry me and speak to me and look into my eyes for forever_!!

Sure, he was supposed to be the biggest butt in Hollywood. Sure, he was supposedly the world's biggest snob – but that didn't matter.

He was just too pretty for words.

"It's almost midnight." His voice was husky, and his lips looked delicious. Somewhere in the background, I could hear the countdown begin.

"Do you believe in coincidence, or do you think God plans things, Sonny?" When he said my name, I felt like going weak at the knees and collapsing yet again into his arms. I just grinned my "famous" cheeky grin.

_Four._

…

_Three_.

"I believe in God." I spoke the truth, not understanding why this was our first conversation. I mean, seriously – our eyes had had sex at least three times for crying out loud. We should've been talking about marriage!

_Two._

"I haven't seen you face to face before, and I don't know if I'll see you face to face again. So…" Chad's hands touched my cheeks, and my knees immediately gave away. Then his lips touched mine.

Somewhere in the distance, a giant ball dropped.

Somewhere in the distance, fireworks were going off.

Somewhere in the distance, Kerry was probably making out with Vampire Dude.

None of those things mattered, though. What mattered was that Chad's hands were on my cheeks, my back, my chin; entangled in my hair. He was kissing me, and it was the greatest feeling in the world.

Ooo000ooO

Ten minutes later, I exited the buffet room and headed out to find Kerry. My lips were tingling, but my stomach was full…of joy.

I was trying to process everything…including the fact that I had broken rule number six. I had gone a whole day without eating chocolate. I had kissed Chad though, so that had to count for something.

"Sonny!" Daydreaming time was officially over; Kerry had found me. "What happened to you? Why doesn't your breath smell like chocolate?"

Heat instantly flooded into my cheeks.

"Choc-" I mustered, as my eyes swept the room for Chad. There was no sign of him. "Cha-. Ki-. No Choc-. Shoes made me fa-"

I sounded like a complete retard; then finally, Kerry studied my face a little more.

"Your lips are swollen!" She screeched. I blushed a little more as five people turned to stare at me. "Did you make out with Chad?" She beamed.

I could've gone into a long, detailed, delicious explanation. Instead, I just gave a subtle nod and smiled brightly.

Rule number five was still in existence though.

Ooo000ooO

So yes, weeks went by. Valentine's Day went by. Ten episodes of So Random! went by. All of these things went by without me having any contact with Chad Dylan Cooper.

Not even one eyeball gazing into the other eyeball.

When my cast had to make a public appearance, he wasn't there. When his did, I somehow wasn't invited.

I read many times that he had gone to the same restaurant that I had on the same night, but we never managed to bump into each other.

And after many weeks of me munching on chocolate (I had to make up for breaking the rule that one day), and many moons of Kerry calling to talk about my eye-sex with Chad, I finally became content.

I would never see Chad again.

Me kissing Chad (Sonny Monroe kissing Chad Dylan Cooper), would just be a once in a lifetime experience. An experience that many, many girls desired.

I thought that I could be happy with that.

But one day, God decided to…throw a little bit of His ironic humor my way.

I was volunteering (picking up dog doo), when someone tapped me on the shoulder. Even though Kerry wasn't there, I still pointed at the purity ring before melting into his eyes.

Ooo000ooO

I know what you're thinking. Believe me, I do.

You're thinking: hey, what about number five?! Wasn't she supposed to break all of the rules that day?

The answer: No.

(And I also feel free to point out that number two was broken way before any of the other rules).

So no, number five went un-broken for quite a while. Chad never asked me out on a date, either. But I discovered some things about Chad.

A: He's not a jerk.

B: His eyes glitter in the morning

C: At midnight, under the moon, one of his blue eyes is always a little darker than the other

D: His lips taste like chocolate

E: He likes to feed me chocolate strawberries while singing along to Bon Jovi

F: His heartbeat matches mine

G: I never had to "fall" in love with him. Because, after I got to know him, I just automatically was.

And dear friends, we are both completely and utterly happy with that little fact.

Some rules are just meant to be broken. (Including daily eye-sex).

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Thoughts? =)


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